8 | Step 10
"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to
do so would injure them or others."
|A core principle behind the Ninth
Step is cleaning up the wreckage of the past. We don't need any old
baggage holding back our spiritual growth and personal dual
IN OUR OWN WORDS: Members
share their thoughts on the Ninth Step
learned that when I honestly do my part in making an amends, the results
are then in God's hands. I am not responsible for people that refuse to
accept my apology and I refuse to get involved if they just want to argue.
Fortunately, this only happened with one person. So my sponsor suggested
that I pray for that person's well-being and serenity and know that I did
everything possible. Someday, when they are ready, they may remember my
amends and find peace over the issue.
I planned my amends making
efforts so that there was always a meeting to attend afterwards. I knew I
would need some support whether it went really well or not. Knowing that
there was a meeting within the hour gave me a lot of courage to move
spent several sessions with my therapist before making amends to my dad.
There were so many complex issues and so much personal history that I
really needed to make sure I was emotionally strong and stable enough
incase things didn't go all that well. I needed to remember that it says,
"...except when to do so would injure them or others." Well, I
am one of those "others". Fortunately, my dad was very happy to
hear of my progress in dual recovery. I could tell that he didn't fully
trust me yet as I'd made a lot of promises before about my drinking, but
he was truly interested in my program of recovery, the day treatment
center, and the recovery house where I'm living. He couldn't help but
notice how much better I was so maybe in time he can learn to trust me
the Ninth Step I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I
felt free, even lighter than I did before. Guilt is a very heavy burden
and I was glad to get rid of it.
It took me some time to get
through Steps Eight and Nine. I finally ended up doing some mock amends or
role playing with my therapist first before actually doing an amends. What
I didn't want to do is go to make an amends and end up groveling and
begging for forgiveness. I mean, I wanted and needed to maintain my
dignity as a human being. My old pattern, because I was so afraid of
rejection I guess, would have been to plead and beg that they don't
It's ok to
take people with you too. I mean, if I was going to make amends to some
big guy who I was physically afraid of, I'd set things up to happen at a
public place and take a friend or two.
My ex boss passed away while I
was in treatment and his business was liquidated. I owed him an amends and
some money and now he was dead. My sponsor suggested that I write out the
amends just as if I was talking to my boss and read it aloud to her and my
Higher Power--sort of like a little Fourth and Fifth Step. I found out
where he was buried and went and read it at his grave too. He was an
animal lover so I gave the money I owed him to the local Humane Society.
Afterward, I felt like my business with him was finished and that somehow,
he knew it too.
it's important for those of us with a dual disorder to make certain we are
ready to do this process. I wouldn't recommend it if you were in the
middle of changing your meds, or weren't pretty stable for awhile. I
didn't get all of my amends made till I had nearly two years of recovery.
I made my list and worked on it but a couple of the amends were
potentially pretty triggering events. I was willing but just not ready
till I was ready.
8 | Step 10
*Adapted from the Twelve Steps of
*The Twelve Steps of AA are
reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services,
Inc. Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AA has
reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, nor that AA agrees with
the views expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism only -
use of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and activities that are
patterned after AA, but that address other problems, does not imply otherwise.
THE NINTH STEP OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS* 9. Made direct amends to such people where ever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Step Discussion Booklet - This is a printable booklet of this Step
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